Guest Post: Dr. Juli Slattery
I have never been much of a cook. With three sisters and a mother who all cook and bake masterfully, I had no reason to learn how. Now that I am a wife and mother, I have reluctantly accepted my role as the family chef. A few years ago, I attempted to bake a homemade cake for a dinner party. I measured all of the ingredients carefully, preheated the oven, and baked my cake at the exact temperature the recipe called for.
When the timer went off, I anxiously opened the oven to see a lopsided brown lump waiting for me. Since our company was arriving shortly, I did not have time to whip up a substitute dessert. I grabbed the frosting and tried to spread it so it would cover up the deformed cake. To my chagrin, the frosting proved useless. It simply took on the lumpy and lopsided form of the cake. I covered my mistake by cleverly announcing to our friends that my three-year-old had helped me make dessert!
Sex is truly the icing on the cake. It will always take on the form of the relationship, even for couples who try to use it to cover up other problems or to think of it as a separate issue. Many couples come to counseling complaining of problems sexually. Almost invariably, their sexual dynamics are a perfect illustration of what is happening throughout their entire relationship. This is why working on sexual relations alone will be inadequate to solve the underlying problems in the marriage.
A fulfilling, exciting sexual relationship is impossible, over time, if two people have significant conflict. When marital conflict is not resolved, it never disappears but multiplies with time. Seething hostility, repressed anger, and bitterness will all eventually manifest as a “headache.” Particularly for women, anger destroys any thought of physical or emotional vulnerability.
Just like emotional intimacy in marriage, sexual intimacy works on trust and communication. If each person’s vulnerabilities are protected and their needs are met, they will become more and more intimate sexually. If they feel insecure, exploited, or unsafe, their physical intimacy will become unsatisfying, superficial, and infrequent. The good news is that every day—like today—presents an opportunity to change the momentum of a failing emotional or sexual relationship.
GIVEAWAY: Dr. Juli and LInda Dillow have just released a new book: Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are you Making! Yes, a bible study on sex! This study has the potential to radically change the intimacy in your marriage. We are giving away 2 sets of FIVE books and a set of the DVD’s, so you can grab some girlfriends and start your own study! Make sure you leave a comment to enter your name into the random drawing Wednesday, Aug 7th! (Will ship to United States only).
Dr. Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker and broadcast media professional. Her commitment to biblical principles, relatable style and quick wit have made her a highly sought after speaker to women’s groups. Juli is the co-found Authentic Intimacy. Juli’s books include Finding the Hero In Your Husband, No More Headaches, Beyond the Masquerade and Guilt Free Motherhood. She and her husband Mike have been married for 18 years. They are raising their three boys in Colorado Springs where Juli can be found playing in the mountains and trying to manage her addiction to soy lattes.
This post was first posted on:www.authenticintimacy.com
Adapted from Finding the Hero in Your Husband
Photo from: freedigitalphotos.net
